I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
did you just send me my own nude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
