Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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