i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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