he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
