I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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