You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
