I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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