His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
