cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
