dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
