You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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