I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
