Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
