He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
