It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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