If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
