If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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