I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
