i would punch a child for taco bell
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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