threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
