toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
is it fun? or sober?
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