You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
