I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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