Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
