she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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