I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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