My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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