you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
