I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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