You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
