Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
