im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
