You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
