P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize