I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
