I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
