Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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