Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
