You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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