Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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