She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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