i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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