"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude i'm inner monologue high
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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