1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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