You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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