walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she looked like the before picture.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
