phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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