Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize