In the future we'll all be gay
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
