Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
