my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
