If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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