I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
