how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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