I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
