I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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