So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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