Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
