My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
