I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
