i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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