just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize