talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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