how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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