maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
