Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its not stalking. its research.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
