i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
