Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
