he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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