If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
