my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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